Healing Regret
by Lover of Angelus
Summary: He whispers calming words against your ear, his scent fills your nostrils and that tightness in you chest subsides, his fingers flit over your bruises and the pain is so far gone that it’s hard to remember how it was ever there in the first place. SLASH.


III Healing Regret

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I Takes place after Charlie kills Ethan which is... during "Outlaws" - epsiode 16 of the first season.

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III WARNINGS: **SLASH**

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What can you expect when you know that you'll never again see the faces of those you loved more than anything else, when you know that you'll never again feel their touch or hear their voices? What _can_ you do? What do others _expect_ you to do? How can you deal with such a loss when no one will talk with you about it? 

But, then he comes along and none of it matters anymore. He comes along and whispers calming words against your ear; his scent fills your nostrils and that tightness in you chest subsides; his fingers flit over your bruises and the pain is so far gone that it's hard to remember how it was ever there in the first place.

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You hear him say that everything will be all right, that what you did was right, no matter what everyone else says. But when Sayid comes up to you and talks about regret, you can't help but laugh a bitter laugh. Then there's the anger, the anger at Sayid that just makes you want to yell and scream and shout. You hold on for a bit but then it gets the best of you and you can't control yourself. 

"You don't know what it's like!" you finally shout, you stand up and you can barely see through the red haze building around you. "You don't feel a noose around your neck all the time! You can still _breathe_ at night!" you hate the tears that are building around the edges of your eyes and threatening to spill over. Immediately you want to take it back, just because you know that Sayid didn't mean anything by it, he was just trying to be nice. But you don't take it back, you don't apologize, so you just shake your head and walk away quietly.

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Jack finds you later in the jungle, he's wiping his hands on his jeans and you can't help but wonder who he was fixing up before he came to find you. 

"What are you doing way out here?" he asks, plopping down next to you on the rock you're perched on.

"Just wanted to get away," you answer. Your hood is up and your whole body is shaking, begging for a fix.

"Why don't you come back to camp?" he suggests, "I'll get you some aspirin."

"Don't want any," you snap, you hate how he sees you this week, how he sees you as nothing more then a junkie.

"C'mon, Charlie," he stands up, his hand's on your back, guiding you gently to a standing position. You resist at first, but his voice is whispering soft encouragements that no part of you can ignore.

"Fine," you mutter. But when you try to stand, you collapse right back down to your knees… at least you would have if Jack hadn't caught you.

Jack shakes his head and laughs a little as he half carries and half drags you back to the caves. You're shaking even worse when he finally lays you down on his own cushions and covers you with a thin blanket.

"Is he okay?" you hear someone ask, it's Kate's voice. Damn, you hate that bitch, always sticking her pointy little nose where it doesn't belong.

"He'll be fine," Jack answers and you love how curt he is with her.

"What happened?" Michael this time. Your eyes are closed but you can just picture everyone standing around him as they ask their unimportant questions, it makes you withdraw into yourself even more, trying so desperately to hide what you are from this tiny world that's been built, to hide from the other survivors.

"Hurley, get some water," Jack orders, his hand goes to your forehead and you can't help but flinch. He doesn't take offense and you thank God for small favors. "It's okay, Charlie," he whispers, leaning in close. "You're gonna be fine, just stay with me."

"All the way," you murmur, never opening your eyes but instead leaning into the hand.

"Jack," Hurley's voice cuts through you with the sheer intensity of its volume.

Jack's hand is suddenly gone and you bite back a whimper. Then there's cool water at your lips and you're drinking quickly.

"Easy, buddy," the doc chuckles, he pulls the water back and you open your eyes as he sits you up, he hands you two pills. "Take these," it's not a suggestion as he hands you two pills. You swallow the water and medicine. When you hand him back the glass he hands it off to Hurley as he eases you back down into the cushions, pulling the blanket up and under your chin. "You're gonna be okay, Charlie, I'm gonna help you through this, okay?"

You nod. And then fall asleep. You never feel the lips pressed against your forehead.

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I **Disclaimer**: Me no own, You no sue

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